Those Words given by My Parent Which Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Dad

"I think I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the actual experience quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good spot. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a wider failure to talk amongst men, who still hold onto negative perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It's not a sign of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to request a respite - spending a short trip away, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to better grasp the language of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "terrible actions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like you before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."